Friday, June 24, 2011

Say Cheese: Ohio's Photo I.D. Bill not Fair to Democrats

The Ohio Senate is considering a bill that would require voters to identify themselves using photo identification. This may seem like a good idea, as photo identification is commonly required to cash a check, buy a firearm, or purchase alcohol and tobacco. However, I’m going to have to side with the ACLU and the Huffington Post on this one. Requiring a photo i.d. would be unfair to a wide variety of voters, including, but not limited to, the following:

Amazonian Tribes: Members of these cultural groups do not frequent DMVs and still believe that photographers are trying to steal their souls.

The Amish: They also don’t drive automobiles and not fond of posing for pictures.

People who are texting: Duh! They’re too busy to look up from their phones.

Celebrities: They’re, like, famous, so everyone should already know who they are.

Amnesiacs: They can't remember who the person in the photo is.

Illegal Aliens: In order to vote, these individuals would have to produce false identification, which would be against the law, except in Arizona.

Nudists: Where are they going to carry it? (Don’t go there.)

Sleepwalkers: Waking them up to ask for i.d. would be dangerous.

Al-Qaeda terrorists: Though they would desperately love to vote for Sherrod Brown, many of these individuals are on watchlists.

Vampires: They don’t show up in mirrors or photographs, though like liberals, they’re bloodsuckers who feed on unsuspecting citizens.

Anthony Weiner: Since he is no longer primarily identified by photographs of his face.

Super-rich Democrat donors: They have chauffeurs and therefore don’t need driver’s licenses. Also see ‘celebrities’, above.

Key Democrat constituencies: The homeless, the mentally ill, and other groups likely to be rounded up in busses on election day, driven to the polls, and paid to vote for Democrats.

President Obama: He’d rather use his recently found birth certificate.


  1. It's also opposed by that pinkie commie Jon Husted, the Republican Secretary of State.

  2. Husted is wrong as well.

  3. I understand Husted's position, but like Scarlet, I disagree with him. He basically argues that he doesn't think that Ohio has a voter fraud problem, and that this requirement would cause a delay in counting Ohio's votes. To the first argument, Husted really doesn't know whether Ohio has a voter fraud problem, and the i.d. requirement would be a step toward preventing one. Secondly, while I understand that we live in an age of instantaneous data, I'm a little tired of the attitude that we have to have election results the minutes the polls close. If we need a few more days to ensure the accuracy of the vote, so be it. Also, more voters will likely bring i.d. once they're aware of the requirement, which will reduce the delay.

  4. Husted is a two-timing, double talking RHINO who's place on the ticket was arranged by DE-WINE-O cabal. Who cares what he thinks? Not me! Pass the dang law and let Husted carry it out.
    You have to show a photo ID cash a check and to buy a six pack of beer. Many of those complaining that showing a photo ID is a "burden" do seem to find a way to buy booze. Amazin ain't it!

  5. I have been asked to provide ID in every election for the past few years. And while I probably do look suspicious, it wasn't just me. Everyone else at my polling place has been as well.

    It doesn't slow anything down. Its just common sense. You want to vote? Take some responsibility and get an ID.


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