The Democratic National Convention is apparently so desperate for speakers they actually have Ted Strickland on the schedule. Whoever decided to give a speaking role to a fired governor responsible for 400,000 lost jobs ought to have their head examined...but then again, I've been saying that about the Democrats for years.
We have obtained Governor Strickland's speech, and here are our top ten excerpts from the keynote address. Enjoy!
10. "After John Tester, Joe Manchin, Claire McCaskill, Bernie Sanders, and the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers declined invites to the Convention, the DNC was looking to fill-in. And since everyone from the speaker of the New York General Assembly to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee warned all their members to stay away, -- I'm honored you asked me to be here tonight!"
9. "Representative Betty Sutton is back home in Ohio tonight. She said she didn't come to the Convention because she has 'things to do'. Lucky for me, after the Ohio voters fired me, my schedule is wide open!"
8. "For those of you who don't know me, you may recognize me from the 'Shame on you Barack Obama' commercial!"
7. "It's good to see a decent crowd here in Charlotte tonight. I spoke at the Obama campaign kick-off in Columbus this year and that place was half empty!"
6. "Under Barack Obama, fewer Americans are working today than when he took office. I'm happy to report that I contributed 400,000 lost jobs to that effort!"
5. "You know, if I just keep taking credit for the economy during the last two years before I took office and the first two years of the Kasich administration, I can say I had a fantastic four years as Governor of Ohio!"
4. "Republicans claim John Kasich cleaned up the mess I left behind as Governor. But I'm here tonight to make the case that it was Barack Obama who cleaned up the mess I left behind as Governor!"
3. "John Kasich is no Barack Obama. Kasich balanced a budget, cut taxes, and had a laser-focus on job creation. Barack Obama hasn't done a single one of those things! He's nothing like John Kasich!"
2. "I'm glad the Democrats are refusing to answer 'are you better off today than you were four years ago?' I've learned a lot watching them dodge and duck that question, and claim it's the wrong question to ask. Where the hell were these guys when I needed them in 2010?"
1. "Mitt Romney is running a scary campaign. Like John Kasich two years ago he's
smearing his opponent by pointing out facts about his record. That's bad news folks -- because it usually works!"